I’m in the middle of a courting/dating sabbatical right now because it’s necessary for me to recalibrate, finish rebuilding and be comfortable before even contemplating a relationship. For me it’s a combination of financial pieces and economic stability. As a man, I figure if I’m not truly comfortable in that area and I’m not bringing the basic ingredients to the relationship, then what’s the point? It’s interesting though. Along my Match, P.O.F, and eHarmony adventures I found other's circumstances that should have prompted someone to say “I wasn’t ready.” Yes, I’m a Kevin Hart fan. In his routine, he uses this catch phrase in a way where someone tries something grandiose and finds out they couldn’t handle it.
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So I'm back at it; on the market as it were. I'm single. I do not plan on staying single for the rest of my life and I've been this way for about 2 years now wondering about venturing back into the world of match making. After all the good book says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." I want what's good for me. I want favor from the Lord. Gimme dat! Gimme all of dat!! I say. Now seriously, I didn't think it was going to be easy did I? I mean it wasn't easy the first time. That's why it took me 31 years to find that one who apparently wasn't THE one. So this time I witnessed some of my peers soliciting e-help online. They figured if they relied on this algorithm for matching, two people could connect, meet, find true love, and live happily ever forever. Okay, I might be over simplifying it a little.
On a side note I'm part of this Face Book group. I won't mention which one. Its kind of wild up in there. We discuss...everything with a reckless abandon that would make Jerry Springer blush. I have to usually view as a spectator like the memes of Kermit the Frog sipping from a cup of tea with the bag tag hanging over the lip. Yet every now and then I make engage to encourage, make people laugh, protest, be naughty I admit it, ask for prayer or other support, or just plain participate in the shenanigans. One day I was minding my own business and someone posted something quite profound. I don't remember it verbatim but it spoke to the tune of be sure to love yourself because when you do you don't settle for just anything or anyone. I can't tell you how life changing that was for me. I believe I had been falling short in this area until then quite frankly. So here's what I've been leading up to thus far. I believe in the biblical prospect of reaping and sowing. You sow sparingly you reap sparingly. You sow generously you reap generously. So when I tried this online dating thing I started off timidly with one site, to no avail. One day I literally smacked my head and thought, "you reap what you sow man." So I went might have went a little "cray cray" with it. I signed on with eH, BPM, CM, Tinder, POF, and L&S...all within one week. Still things started off slowly but you know... The bible says "My people perish for lack of knowledge" Hos 4:6 So I realized I had to get my strategy tight. That meant my profile had to be on point. Its funny how I had to custom tailor a similar but different strategic profile for each of these what, 6 sites. Each one seemed to reach a different audience. Okay, I might have over-analyzed this a little bit. So I prayerfully wrote a poem for POF. I answered a long liturgy of questions for eH. I gave a brief snapshot for Tinder. L & S was didn't seem worthwhile so I didn't write much there. CM was Christian site so I just flowed in my faith on it and ended up getting a date there. I would say its about 2.5 months since I first signed up for a site and the highest caliber responses for me came from eH. No lie. Then suddenly POF surprised me so at this point I'm just keeping an open mind and focusing on what God has me to do. Now here's the rub! I want to court women not date them. If I find one promising Christian women whom God says go for it about I will cease or at least decrease all other activity and purposefully meet her friends, family, and others as well as her meeting mine. For me, the ultimate goal is to get married once 4 EVA! I take my time. I stay observant. I will see the red flags and solicit the help of friends and family as filters and I will be on the lookout for deal breakers. I know what they are now since I was married for 10 years and learned some valuable sobering lessons for life. The idea of dating 4 or 5 women on different days of the week doesn't appeal to me. That seems to...worldly. Besides, I'm just not that deep or 3 dimensional. For I would be the one to mess up and say something dumb like " So when is your girlfriend's birthday party later on?" Then realize I'm talking to the wrong woman about the wrong event on the wrong day. Ooops. Try playing that one off. On a very real note. I'm not trying to drown in the matchmakingmayhem I see out here. I'm jumping in with a life preserver named Jesus for real! Last week I walked into my government job and as soon as I swiped my badge to clear security someone handed me a purple ribbon. I automatically said thank you as I accepted this gift and looked closer to see what it said. It read, "Stop Domestic Violence." I'm against domestic violence. The thought of some husband beating their wife or some wife beating their husband down makes me cringe and kind of irritable at the same time. So I stuck the ribbon to the pocket of my light blue dress shirt so everyone could see I supported ending domestic violence. I suddenly wondered about the shadow beatings. Like does domestic violence include those times when uncle so and such forced some 9 year old niece to do some sexual act that she can't even begin to comprehend? Does it include those times Dad came home drunk and mad at the world because his job stressed him out, his boss didn't show him any respect and he was darn sure going to get some respect in his own castle even if he had to beat it out of his fresh mouthed son.
I pray for the victims who suffer in the shadows; the ones for whom life is a re-occurring nightmare. We don't see these ones on the news because it doesn't affect the masses. It doesn't get investigated like your football player's wife getting beaten at home or in an elevator. It doesn't cause mass hysteria and mourning like a high school shooting. It doesn't cause mass destruction like a wanton hurricane sweeping across the coast wreaking havoc. There might be an investigation when this little victim grows up and hurts that uncle or her parent. It may cause individual hysteria in the form of bipolar, schizophrenia, anxiety or any other breakdown in mental health. The destructive effects of the shadow beatings snuff out the light in a once vibrant child's eyes for the rest of their life. I pray for those who suffer time after time in the shadows and don't know how to end this hell on earth in a healthy way. Too often drastic is the only way out for them, the only way to get the attention necessary to expose the evil in the nearby shadows. God bless every child suffering in secret and every adult who suffered as a child in secret and still suffers in different ways today. Have mercy on their lives. Every now and then I do a shameless plug. In my former life", in this case, when I used to do a program called "All Pro Dads" Crofton Patch reporter Nicki Mayo, blessed me with an article about my writing. By the way, ignore the preview poems listed as this is a living site that is constantly changing and growing. Here it is!
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Ajibade Jegede dedicates his time to mentoring fathers in the program and ministering to the community through . His ministry is extending beyond the church and into his new book Pursuing the Sunrise. “I started writing poetry when I was in college,” Jegede said in an email. “Poetry helped me discover my passion for writing, and after I became just as passionate about being like Jesus, my poetry took on a distinct Christian tone." The father of two said he had written so much that he eventually had a manuscript on his hands. “Suddenly God burdened me to write this book,” Jegede said. He said the title of the book is a play on words focusing on the risen son, Jesus Christ. “I believe it is important to be in pursuit of the right cause, destiny or purpose in order for life to feel worthwhile. My purpose is to pursue Jesus to become more like Him toward everyone and save many often from themselves or their situations just as I was,” Jegede said in the email. “Once this pursuit is underway everything else in life clicks into place.” When asked which one is his favorite poem in the book, Jegede said it was based on Proverbs 18:22 and called The Woman I'm Blind Enough to See. “It reminds me that my wife is the woman I was blind enough to see because God revealed her to me,” said Jegede. Jegede posted preview poems on his website. Pursuing the Sunrise is available for purchase online athcreativerses.weebly.com or by calling 410-562-6081. The eBook is available on payloadz.com, barnesandnoble.com andamazon.com. As Croftonites ease into 2012, Jegede offers a few words of inspiration. “A calling is bursting to be free in everyone’s heart, so in 2012 set it free; be in pursuit of that dream that defines your purpose," Jegede said. He cited Philippians 3:14: “Press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me (you) heavenward in Christ Jesus.” So I've been thinking about my situation on so many levels lately. Right now, I'm bipolar, divorced, can't see my kids everyday, homeless, working a low wage job and that's my life. I thought about how I've made it thus far. It's a new year and I don't plan on being back here again. Perhaps this is the lowest I've been all my life. I'm 42 and always felt I would be in a different place by now.
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AuthorAjibade Jegede started writing poetry his Freshman year at Hampton University and it has been his close companion ever since. After finishing a blessed career as a youth minister he decided to focus on his passion for inspirational poetry as a career. Archives
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